January 13, 2009
And here we are another year another road in rear-view mirror so starts 2009 and I am in nobody’s bed, not even some random stranger. I haven’t tried either. I have been in this slump more like a depression though I don’t like using that word. When I am not driving I am drinking personally I don’t like the spiral that I am going down but things may be looking up for me. While I was sitting in my truck, a voice came over the radio it was none other than Broken Guitar. He said he was sorry that he wasn’t around but he thought about me everyday. I don’t know what came over me but I just broke down on the radio to him and told him I think about him every night and we haven’t met.
Then out of the blue he said that I did see him once but I turned away to quick and was back in the truck before he could approach me. He said he has blue eyes. I see a lot of guys every day but I am really hoping that is not creepy guy from last year, I haven’t seen him in ages and I would think that if Broken Guitar used to talk to me all the time, I should run into him all the time don’t you think. I told him everything and he told me the days will get better. I really hope he is right.
Here I am nearing 30 and I wonder is this all my life has to offer? I am going to turn into my dad lonely and driving on the road with some little kid trotting in my footsteps. Of course, I don’t have a kid. But sometimes when my dad was home we would drink and sit in front of the television and just seem sad. I look at myself in the mirror and I look sad or at least I think I do. Anymore I just don’t want to do anything except drive and sometimes I don’t even feel like doing that. To make matters worse, Jenny called me the other day and her and James are getting married on Valentine’s Day and then she asked me to be her maid of honor.
I know one part of her and one part of me always promised each other we would be our maid of honors. We are best friends. But then she is marrying my ex husband and that is a little weird. I told her I had to think about it and she said she understo0d. I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t know if I can do it but if her and James don’t last Jenny and I are forever and I am sure there is no one else she wants to witness her marriage. I can’t believe she is getting married. I never would have thought. But then now I know what she means what she said to me that while I was married, “single life ain’t all that great” I can vouch for that.
Maybe Broken Guitar and I could ease each other’s loneliness.
