November 24, 2009
Where do I begin? I have been on the road for the last two weeks. The first couple of days my heart beat so fast the whole time. I couldn’t sleep in the truck I had to sleep in a motel room or not at all. When I would stop for a break, I would park near other trucks and leave the truck right away. I can still hear the crushing of metal and glass and the pain and the the loss of pain. I saw a couple of friends from the road at a truck stop in Georgia and we talked about good times and played pool and suddenly the truck wasn’t scary.
I am still a little scared at night when there is no one around. I have been driving for the last 2 weeks and for some reason, I hadn’t heard one word from Broken Guitar. I call for him every once and awhile and nothing. I am a good girl for right now anyway. Since I have been driving James and I haven’t had sex, he doesn’t even want to come along on the weekend trips. I was home three nights ago for a little break and nothing. I came in at 3 am and woke him up and he said he was glad to see me and then when back to sleep. When I woke the next morning he was at work.
I know we love each other but we don’t have that spine tingling, one-look-and-my-panties are wet love when we look at each other. We’ve been together so long and the honeymoon is long over and the divorce and a new engagement. I wonder if we are only together because we can rely on each other to be there to pick up the peices. I don’t know and oddly enough I am not too sad by thinking these thoughts. Sure I want to be with someone wholly and sure I want to be thought of as a goddess but is that someone James.
Maybe we both need someone other than each other. We are like the pint of hagen daz in the freezer when we are lonely. I want someone and sure I would marry James and honor him but would I happy when the time on the road is done. How I describe what I am feeling, I need to feel needed and desired forever. I want someone to look at me and feel my heart skip a beat. I want to desire someone so much that our kiss brings me shivers when it happens. I want to be chased and chase tease and play until the sexual tension explodes. I want to find that one person that I can’t live with out and I wouldn’t want men from other places because I had the man that made me soar.
Restless and needy I sure wish I could run into Broken Guitar.
