Breaker 1-9 Pink Panther Here

Where do I begin? I have been on the road for the last two weeks. The first couple of days my heart beat so fast the whole time. I couldn’t sleep in the truck I had to sleep in a motel room or not at all. When I would stop for a break, I would park near other trucks and leave the truck right away. I can still hear the crushing of metal and glass and the pain and the the loss of pain. I saw a couple of friends from the road at a truck stop in Georgia and we talked about good times and played pool and suddenly the truck wasn’t scary.

I am still a little scared at night when there is no one around. I have been driving for the last 2 weeks and for some reason, I hadn’t heard one word from Broken Guitar. I call for him every once and awhile and nothing. I am a good girl for right now anyway. Since I have been driving James and I haven’t had sex, he doesn’t even want to come along on the weekend trips. I was home three nights ago for a little break and nothing. I came in at 3 am and woke him up and he said he was glad to see me and then when back to sleep. When I woke the next morning he was at work.

I know we love each other but we don’t have that spine tingling, one-look-and-my-panties are wet love when we look at each other. We’ve been together so long and the honeymoon is long over and the divorce and a new engagement. I wonder if we are only together because we can rely on each other to be there to pick up the peices. I don’t know and oddly enough I am not too sad by thinking these thoughts. Sure I want to be with someone wholly and sure I want to be thought of as a goddess but is that someone James.

Maybe we both need someone other than each other. We are like the pint of hagen daz in the freezer when we are lonely. I want someone and sure I would marry James and honor him but would I happy when the time on the road is done. How I describe what I am feeling, I need to feel needed and desired forever. I want someone to look at me and feel my heart skip a beat. I want to desire someone so much that our kiss brings me shivers when it happens. I want to be chased and chase tease and play until the sexual tension explodes. I want to find that one person that I can’t live with out and I wouldn’t want men from other places because I had the man that made me soar.

Restless and needy I sure wish I could run into Broken Guitar.

I am ready to go back on the road. I spent the last month working at the office scheduling and creating routes and such. I hated it. I got the cast off my arm and it still hurts some but not as bad.  My arm was shattered, I can still use it but not as well. I have physical therapy three days a week. The best part is, they called me into the office and when I got there, they surprised me! My truck arrived shiny and pink. As soon as I was handed the keys, I was handed a schedule to be back on the road. I am so glad.

James drives me crazy, always fretting over me like I am a frail battered bird. He spent much time on the phone calling the police looking for leads on the guy who hit me. I would rather just have it all go away. It is over anyway every last thing my dad owned, except for my house is all gone the business and the truck. Since James has been living here, dad is starting to disappear from here as well.  Maybe I should let him go as well it has been a long time since he was alive. He is dead and I should get over it.

Jenny doesn’t have a new man. A fact that is odd since she always has a man but lately she has none. She doesn’t even mention men. We went to the Liquid Clam a few times and not once did she try to snag a man and when one came to her, she rejected them. I asked her about it and she made up some excuse like she was ready to look for the right man. I known her all my life and now I don’t even feel like I know her at all.  I wonder if I ask them will they lie or will they tell me the truth? Maybe the reason I don’t ask is because I am afraid of the truth. I don’t even know the truth in my own heart about James.

The road is calling me and with my own solace I will find the answers and maybe one night while the rain is coming down, Broken Guitar and I will find each other and make passionate love in the truck.