September 30, 2008
Well in 10 days I will be married once again. I sit here in this quiet truck stop and my nerves are frayed. I am not nervous about getting married espcially to James because James and I were married once before. What is driving me crazy is the whole wedding planning fiasco. I am glad that I am driving every single day until the 9th. I need to get away from cake decisions and dress fittings and all that shit. Sure I may like nice clothes but this goes beyond nice clothes. I don’t want things perfect, I just want to I don’t know. Maybe I want James to call me on the phone and say we’ll be married tomorrow in from of some JP who thinks we are two crazy people in love with each other. That’s right we already did that. Jenny and James finishing up everything.
Normally Jenny hates weddings but now she is a monster she is almost as bad as James for this whole wedding thing. Sometimes, I wonder they are not the ones tying the knot. I did wonder a couple of times especially once James was in school and I was driving they hung out together. That is not weird but they have a special friendship or something to look at them from a distance you would think they were in love. They never argue with each other and they laugh at each other’s jokes at the right time. I don’t know how to describe it, her eyes glitter when he is the in the room. I put all these thoughts behind me because Jenny is my best friend and James and I are soul mates. I do still wonder sometimes, maybe they have a thing and they are afraid to tell me. I would be pissed as hell but then I would be free to do anyone I wanted so that can’t be all bad.
I have been thinking about marriage again and though the idea sounds great to have someone wait for me when come back from the road but I also enjoy the feel of strangers, the game we play to entice each other to bed. I am a good girl and I will honor our marriage as I did before. Lately, I have reconnected with Broken Guitar, he is my special friend that I confide everything to even about Jenny, James and the whole wedding thing.
He seems to have forgotten everything that went on between Jenny and him when she last rode with me. There is one part of me that wants to meet him even for a couple of minutes just to see him and I want to do it before I get married. At night when I should be thinking of James, I am imagining Broken Guitar, what he looks like and fantasize about him bed. He asked a couple of times but I chicken out and say I have to drive soon or I am bushed. Sometimes I am beat but I would meet him. I want to meet him. He is my escape from the craziness that surrounds me.
Maybe we should meet and share an erotic night then everything would be good, I would get married knowing I had a bachlorette party for one. I am just scared to meet him but I want to so bad and the closer my wedding night comes, the more I desire to meet Broken Guitar.
