May 20, 2008
I said I was taking a vacation and I finally did after much coaxing from Jenny and James. My vacation consisted of nights at the bar with Jenny and soap operas during the day. One day out of the blue, I get this crazy idea to make spaghetti and invite James. Since I have been home more, I haven’t been so lonely. I kept thinking about him. Sure we’d talk on the phone and maybe we’d meet at the park for a walk but that was it, very platonic. I called him on the phone and he accepted my invitation. I only planned on some wine, some laughing and eating. Times like these were precious few when we were married.
The sauce was already simmering when he arrived with a bottle of cheap wine and flowers. Not just some run of the mill flowers either, roses. My heart hoped there was more my brain said he was just being friendly. Just because I have been married to someone doesn’t mean I know what he is thinking. He never was one to show his feelings on his face.
Well I was right there was laughing and remembering the good times. I would like to say that we polished off the bottle of wine and started on a second and we were so drunk and horny that we had to have each other. But it wasn’t like that, I just drained the pasta into the sink, the glasses of wine remained full and he came behind me and put his arms around my waist then slowly nibbled on my ear. I didn’t to think or talk I whirled around and welcomed all of his advances. Right there in the kitchen we had sex. Not clumsy horny first time having sex teenage sex or the run of the mill married sex. This was sex we had right we after we got married, we did it everywhere and every chance we got raw and unbridled, needy and giving. Right after that moment as we lay in each other’s arms, the spaghetti went cold the wine warm I thought almost made myself believe there was nothing more than sex. We are both human and have desires, desires that needed to be filled and what better person than someone you know you can enjoy and that person will enjoy.
Another kiss and he put on his pants and called for pizza. We ate, looking at each other with hunger that pizza couldn’t satisfy. The house was quiet, I didn’t know what to say and I know he didn’t know what to say. Someone had to break the ice and talk about whatever. Was it just sex, is there more, do you still love me? If he asked me that I would say I will always love him. And to this I do love him and always will even if we got married to someone else no one could take his place. I opened my mouth to speak, he reached over and put his fingers to my lips. Then standing, he approached me and swept me in his arms and carried me to bed. We intoxicated each other.
The next morning after another round of honeymoon sex, I blurted out, “so what now?” Tracing his finger up my body he looks at me and only said, “I love you and you and me should be a we.” He always knew how to get me at his beckon and call. I wanted this, I needed this, I missed this my life was empty when James and I were apart. Instead of telling him, I kissed him and our souls traded places. Before our hands could venture, my cell rang. I let it go to voicemail but it kept ringing. I looked and it was my brother.
I answered the phone, he said he had news and it wasn’t good and he was on the front porch.
May 4, 2008
It isn’t so bad working for someone else. It is taking a lot for me to break every 8 hours like I am supposed to. I am so used to skidding by the rules when I worked for myself. Maybe drive 8-10 hours then break sometimes I would push it 12-14 and rest for rest of the day. They treat me well and pay me well. Plus I am still an owner operator, I pick up extra loads when I can.
I have been driving short stints lately but that doesn’t bother me, actually it is kind of nice in a way because I am home, I have a little bit more of social life either with James, or Jenny, or just hanging out at the Liquid Clam.
While in New York, I breifly talked with my brother and he said when I am around the area to let him know because he still wants to talk to me but he doesn’t want to do it over the phone. He rambled on to say that he has been super busy with stuff. When I ask him what stuff he says nothing and rambles on. Really, I don’t know why I bother with him at all. I think it is because I just something to hold on to like a relative. As far as I know I have no one else except for my brother and his bitch mother.
I keep hoping for Broken Guitar to come on CB but I still didn’t hear from him. I am hoping soon because for some reason he fills the void deep inside my heart when I am doing what I love. I think I will meet him if we are close enough together. I need him.
