April 2, 2008
Things are bad for me and the company mostly part of the reason I haven’t written. I haven’t driven in a couple of weeks because I am paying the fuel for my guys and their wages. I am out of money. I am broke. I decided to sell my house and I few people are interested in it. I spent days crying as I packed up things in the only home I have ever known. Flipping through photographs of my father and I on camping trips and amusement parks and chilly shell searching days at the shore. As of now I am still living here but much of the stuff is packed away and stored at James’ house. This was the hardest decision I had to make.
Sometimes when I am looking at the books, that offer from Dystarts sounds better and better. I can’t lose the business not yet anyway. We have customers but they can only pay so much some never pay at all no matter how many times I call. I can’t even afford a collection agency. Though I need the money, I don’t have the heart to turn it into the police. I can’t do it. Some of the long time customers are closed or bankrupt and I may see some money in the near future, I am not very hopeful.
A nice couple with two kids came and looked at the house today. I had this incredible urge to make up stories about the leaky faucets and the roof that really should be repaired before the next rains and dangerous mold spores growing in the basement. Again the good person in me couldn’t do it. The little girl with golden hair ran up the stairs and yelled to her parents. She loved my room and wanted for her own. I love that room to. They told me they’ll think about it. James said we could live together until things get better. I barely can pay him. I don’t know what to do.
I want to drive somewhere but where? Maybe down the road because that is enough fuel I have in the rig but that is it. I wish I could win the lottery or something. I don’t know. This is so hard and I just want to throw my hand up in the air and give up and sell the company. The deeper the red, the more attractive it is. I wish I could let go.
