April 23, 2008
I know it’s been a long while, I have some good news and some bad news. I got to keep my house but it came at a price. The money just kept going red and I sold the company. The guys are happy because they are getting paid regularly like they should right before the buy out, I really couldn’t pay them what they deserved. Now that I sold the company, I will be driving more and James got to keep his job although I am sure he would rather do something else. He wants to practise law but there are no takers yet.
After a month of not doing anything, I am looking forward to being free on the road again. I really miss it and I miss driving my rig. Once I had the check and paid the guys what they earned plus some extra, I fueled up the rig and Jenny and I went for a drive just because. I have never worked for anyone else before but I need to I can’t just an owner operator alone because I just don’t have the money. It seems like a recurring theme of a nightmare, broke and lonely sounds like a reciepe for disaster doesn’t it?
Looking on the bright side, I am still young and my dad started the company after he worked for someone else for years. It feels like my dad is slipping away, sometimes I have to look at pictures just to remember what he looked like.
Off to New Jersey this weekend and then New York and back home. I can’t wait to leave. I have it worked out where I will be taking a break for 8 hours in Atlantic City, I need some fun for once.
April 2, 2008
Things are bad for me and the company mostly part of the reason I haven’t written. I haven’t driven in a couple of weeks because I am paying the fuel for my guys and their wages. I am out of money. I am broke. I decided to sell my house and I few people are interested in it. I spent days crying as I packed up things in the only home I have ever known. Flipping through photographs of my father and I on camping trips and amusement parks and chilly shell searching days at the shore. As of now I am still living here but much of the stuff is packed away and stored at James’ house. This was the hardest decision I had to make.
Sometimes when I am looking at the books, that offer from Dystarts sounds better and better. I can’t lose the business not yet anyway. We have customers but they can only pay so much some never pay at all no matter how many times I call. I can’t even afford a collection agency. Though I need the money, I don’t have the heart to turn it into the police. I can’t do it. Some of the long time customers are closed or bankrupt and I may see some money in the near future, I am not very hopeful.
A nice couple with two kids came and looked at the house today. I had this incredible urge to make up stories about the leaky faucets and the roof that really should be repaired before the next rains and dangerous mold spores growing in the basement. Again the good person in me couldn’t do it. The little girl with golden hair ran up the stairs and yelled to her parents. She loved my room and wanted for her own. I love that room to. They told me they’ll think about it. James said we could live together until things get better. I barely can pay him. I don’t know what to do.
I want to drive somewhere but where? Maybe down the road because that is enough fuel I have in the rig but that is it. I wish I could win the lottery or something. I don’t know. This is so hard and I just want to throw my hand up in the air and give up and sell the company. The deeper the red, the more attractive it is. I wish I could let go.
