Breaker 1-9 Pink Panther Here

I  was  so excited to see Diego,  I  spent my time thinking about him and Nick. Once I  got into Miami, I called him. He sounded strange but agreed to meet me at Denny’s. When he came into the restaurant, I hugged him but he didn’t return the hug. I already ordered coffee for us but he didn’t drink it. Then he dropped the bombshell, he was married for the last couple   of months to a wonderful woman who was pregnant with his child, you know how the story goes. He said he was sorry and that I should’ve come around sooner. He said sorry again and left me alone.

I  have been having horrible luck with men lately. Except of course Nick. When I was married, the guys were everywhere telling me that my husband wouldn’t have to know, you’re so beautiful. I was faithful to him. I am not saying I have never thought about it, I did many times,  I was young and so were  the men. Now everyone is getting married and trying the old, faithful bit. All that is left for me are older, maybe  divorced or unhappy men who are doable just not very attractive. What has my life become, settling for someone just to get the  job done? I considered prowling but my heart wasn’t in it. 

Stupid me had dreamed of this magical night wit Diego, good food, a walk on the beach and  sex to finish it off. Well I did eat at a nice seafood joint, then walked on the beach. With all those stars looking down on, I felt so small and alone and I wondered how my dad ever managed. I longed for someone to talk to, I realized there was no one there. Saturday night, everyone would be busy having a life, meeting people. I wonder if that man who is working the fuel station will be getting off soon. I knew he was checking me out and right now anybody would  do as long as I don’t feel alone even for an hour.

Nick is a great guy. I really thought I would be meeting some creepy kid that has sullen eyes and the look of death about him. Actually he is pierced and tattooed and looks like he should be in a punk rock band. We met at a swanky restaurant where he did wear a suit but his hair was still spiked. He was totally not my type but definitely Jenny’s. I thought I would give the night a chance.

I never laughed so hard in my life. I could probably see myself with someone like him. I am not sure about the spikey hair thing but it growing away. He has a radiant smile. He really is sexy as hell. I would love to say that we went back to my place or his and finished the evening off right but no that didn’t happen. I really would have loved for it to happen. Nick was the best diversion for me.

I think he must like me as well because on Sunday he called and we talked on the phone until my cordless died. He told me he would love to go on a short trip on the road since he has never been in a truck before. I don’t know what I was thinking but I told him next week when I go to Ohio. I am leaving for Miami in an hour or so.

I can’t wait to see Diego. I maybe thinking of Diego as far as taking care of business but my mind is still on Nick. According to Jenny, I am his type because he likes the girly girls.

Maybe with Nick he and I can be together, sort of but have a lot of fun and commitment is furthest thing from my mind and his. I can’t wait to see him again!

I should be sleeping, I am god damned tired too but for some reason I am awake. I am home for right now because Jenny roped me into a blind date and I promised her that I would be there. I tried laying in bed but all I did was stare at the ceiling. Tried reading, the crossword watching crappy movies on late night television nothing worked.

I suppose I am a little worried about the blind date. I have never been on a blind date before and he may not like me. Jenny said he thinks its “freaking awesome” that I am truck driver. Oh yeah did I mention he is 21. Oh boy, I really don’t know what to expect at all.

She swore he is very mature for his age and is sexy as hell. I asked her how she met him and she met him in Boston and he just moved to Maine. I love Maine and all it is my hometown but come one there are much better places to live then in Maine, in my opinion of course. Then she told me he is a certified taxidermist. Now I know why he moved to Maine.

 He seems surreal, a sexy taxidermist? Those are two things that really don’t go together. When I think of taxidermist I don’t think of under wear model. Maybe I am thinking too much about the whole thing because one look at me you wouldn’t think I drove truck either. There are just so many pretenses on a blind date. There is one person in the middle and they you great stuff about the other person and what if you or the fail to meet the expectations, what then?

Okay, I should loosen up maybe we should like each other well enough to have nice time in bed. I could use some one on one time with someone right about now.

My life hasn’t been worth writing about lately. I have been driving a lot. I really don’t want to be around anyone really, just need some to think. This last couple months have been really rough on me. The only place I have solace is driving for long distances.

I eat alone and I go to bed alone. I am not even interested in picking up guys and when they come around I just turn them down. Valentine’s Day is coming and James asked if I would be home so we can spend it together. I told him no and I think he was disappointed. I haven’t seen him since we went out to dinner.

I came home early Thursday morning about 2 am went to the office picked up my mail signed checks. By 11 the following morning I was on the road again.

Actually, I have  been hoping to hear Broken Guitar’s voice over the airwaves but nothing so far. Sometimes, I find myself daydreaming about what he looks like. I imagine him to be tall with muscles but not huge body builder muscles but those sexy definitions. He would have long blonde hair that he never ties back and has freshly. Then I think about if we would me and we would just want each other so bad, physically, mentally, emotionally, that we are so nervous around each other. 

Eventually we make it to a nice bed and he lays me down and kisses me, his lips enliven my skin and we make love, then we have dirty sex tearing up the room.

I think if we are near each other again, I am going to meet him what harm can that do?

This is what he wanted to talk about- he needs space away from ,he is not sure on a lot of things. And by the way he thinks he might be gay but he is not sure. We’ve been together for a long time and I have no idea how someone thinks they are gay even-though he was screwing me day in and day out. Now I am the one confused. I supposed now the real reason on why he was fired from his job comes about- someone must have found out about his little secret. I don’t know he didn’t say nor did I ask.

So after dinner, I just couldn’t be around him. Normally, I am cool with the gay thing but not from him. He didn’t follow me, not that I really expected him to. He knows when I want to be left alone. There is only place I could be alone and that was on the road.

It was easy for me to find a load that needed to be delivered to Nebraska. Good a real long road trip so I can sort things through about James and everything else in my life. I had to pick the load up in New Hampshire. I left a message for James to let him know that I would be gone but I would be back in time to sign paychecks.

I turned on the CB and like a beacon in the dark, Broken Guitar was looking for someone to talk to. I got on the radio and just told him everything about James. Sometimes, talking with a stranger is better than talking to anyone you know because people you know are always biased. Broken Guitar listened and said nothing but just let me talk. I really needed that because there was so much that had to be said.

After an hour or so of talking, he parted. He invited me to the truck stop he was stopping for the night but I said I had to keep moving. He told me that he would catch up with me some time later. I really considered stopping but I like what we have just voices in the night.